The launch of Go and Grow yesterday was an invigorating, if exhausting, experience. By the end of the day I had spoken eight times. I received numerous words of encouragement and support at the end of the services. St Barnabas is an amazing church to be part of, and I feel my own conviction rising as I see the groundswell of faith in the St Bs community start to rise inexorably, like a river in flood about to burst its banks.
Preaching on Moses has made me realise how often we rely on human adequacy either in ourselves or in others we are trusting. The magnitude of the Go and Grow project for St Bs has brought this into sharp relief, because depending on our resources and abilities is simply not an option. The challenge is so great it is obvious to anyone that this is way beyond us. If St Barnabas is to any extent depending on my abilities we are destined for a big letdown. I am simply inadequate, not up to the task.
In the course of a particularly difficult day working on the Go and Grow project I have often found myself giving in to feelings of being utterly overwhelmed. All my insecurities rise to the surface, and in the face of such enormous responsibility I get cowed by the burden. However there is a different option, and alternative way to react to this overpowering situation - by looking to God to supply all our needs. To follow this route of faith needs to be a positive decision. I am deciding to take the faith route, to trust God and not myself, and all of a sudden things that previously were preposterous look possible again.
Today is another very big day, which includes a meeting with the architects at lunchtime and then a very critical project board meeting up at London Diocesan House in Pimlico, followed by our Standing and Finance Committee back at St Bs. But God is in control: The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1)